ATTITUDE ISN'T EVERYTHING
By trying to say the right thing to cancer patients, the well-meaning unintentionally put the onus on the sick
BY HEIDI HARRIS

Heidi Harris frequently appears on Fox News Live and Fox News Live Weekend. Look for her soon-to-debut radio show in Las Vegas soon. Visit her website www.heidiharris.com. Other stories by Heidi Harris

Attitude is everything, or so I hear. I’m no doctor, but when it comes to cancer, I beg to differ. Recently, Sen. John Edwards’ wife Elizabeth and Whitehouse Press Secretary Tony Snow have announced that their cancer has returned. In both cases, the prognosis sounds grim. Metastatic cancer is just that, and according to experts, remission is the best one can hope for. 

All I hear in regards to cancer is, “Attitude makes all the difference with cancer” — or words to that effect. In the last three years, I’ve lost my father and a dear friend to cancer, and another friend continues the battle. I’ve lost count of how many rounds of chemo he’s experienced, or the number of different drugs he’s taken. Those close to me who died were positive, brave fighters who had much to live for. They never “gave up” or “cowered in a corner,” as John Edwards put it. Yet, they accepted the inevitable when it became clear they were terminal. No one doubts the power of positive thinking in every aspect of life, but for some people, cancer may very well be the way God takes you out, and no amount of “positive thinking” will cure you. 

A cancer diagnosis is always a difficult time, as friends and family look for words of comfort and try to make sense of it all. So I can understand the use of hopeful phrases like, “but he’s a fighter,” “she’s gonna beat this thing,” etc. Of course, they won’t give up, but what if they don’t survive? Does that mean they didn’t fight hard enough? It seems to me that in trying to say the “right thing,” well-meaning people unintentionally put the onus on the patient, leaving many to feel they should endure futile treatments so they don’t appear to be giving up. 

When my father’s cancer returned, it was very obvious in all the tests and additional opinions that it was terminal. Even so, there are some oncologists who would push chemo on a patient until they closed the coffin, and I’ve seen it over and over again. My father’s oncologist was very upset when I contacted a hospice, even though my father’s cancer had spread to his liver and other areas. I asked, “Can you save him? Because if you can, there’s nowhere I won’t take him, and no treatment we won’t try.” He knew treatment was futile, but apparently he would rather have had my dad spend his last six months of life in a waiting room, rather than enjoying his life. Hospice care allowed him to live the remainder of his life with dignity and very little pain. He never had to be hospitalized, and died peacefully in my home, not among strangers with tubes in his nose. 

On the brighter side, cancer is not a death sentence for everyone, and I know several people whose cancer occurred so long ago, they’re now considered cured. Two women close to me have had breast cancer twice, yet they’re fine now and leading amazing lives. As long as there’s life, there’s hope, but doctors have a responsibility to tell you when existing treatments won’t cure you. Although some patients prefer denial, many would appreciate an honest assessment of their options. 

None of us know God’s plan for our death, but for some of us, cancer will take our lives. As a Christian, I’ve never feared death, but my experiences have taught me that most of the suffering related to terminal cancer is caused by the treatments. Managed correctly, a patient doesn’t have to suffer needlessly.

When people are diagnosed with cancer, it’s difficult to find the right words to comfort them. In the case of a recurrence, there’s a fine line between optimism and realism. I’d love to see Elizabeth Edwards and Tony Snow defy the odds. They’re fighters in every sense of the word, and they have a lot to live for. But if they succumb, no one can blame their lack of positive attitude and desire to fight.

Let’s keep that in mind the next time we’re discussing a cancer diagnosis.