Prison inmates in Vermont are suing for being fed daily — Nutraloaf, that is. Nutraloaf is what authorities serve to rowdy prisoners who have a tendency to make fingerpaintings and/or food-fight missiles with the average prison fare or grab silver — and plasticware and shiv their cellmates to death or unlock prison doors. According to Vermont law, officials can’t change an inmate’s diet as punishment for bad behavior. And the state’s supreme court is currently deliberating the matter and will make a judgment soon. Meantime, however, is Nutraloaf really awful enough that prisoners consider it cruel and unusual?
Judging by this food critic’s preparation, it’s definitely unusual. I took a recipe from the Internet, and the ingredients included: potato flakes, cheese, beans, ground beef, cubed bread, cooked spinach, tomato paste, raisins and olive oil. I stirred the items into a mixing bowl and added salt and pepper for taste, before building a brick-like mash in the rough shape of meat loaf. The result was still too sloppy and loose, so I stuck it in the refrigerator for an hour and tested its firmness. It had congealed somewhat better, so I dug in with a fork. (There was no need for a knife.)
The first bite was oddly gooey, but after another and another the overall experience was like sampling survivalist food in preparation for a long trip into the wilderness. I also had the feeling that I would be a little more regular in the days that followed, which turned out to be true, of course. Afterward, though, there was no funny aftertaste. Onions might have made the meal more palatable going down, but they might have also contributed to post-meal taste in the mouth capable of inducing nausea. I’m happy to have skipped the onions.
Heating up a chunk in the microwave did not help much. It made the tomato paste and cheese taste better, providing more of a pizza vibe. For whatever culinary or scientific reason beyond my immediate grasp, nuking it for a full minute made the affair much soggier and harder to scoop with a fork. I actually had to break out the spoon for this bit.
Surprisingly, what added to the Nutraloaf’s overall taste and appearance was frying it for a few minutes in a saucepan. Browning both sides, I found my taste buds starting to work, and the smell of cooking spinach and tomato paste isn’t all that unpleasurable.
Looking back on the whole experience, I would definitely remove the raisins or any other fruit from the recipe. The sweetness collided rather poorly, I think, with the cheese and spinach. Naturally, this may be just my opinion.
For any survivalist Libertarians, after the dollar crashes and chaos engulfs the major cities of the world, you may want to grab a few Nutraloaves from the freezer before the power goes out and head for the hills.
If you’re prisoner of the state of Vermont, Liberty Watch feels your pain to a certain degree. But eating this stuff is probably very good for your health. Just pretend you’re in the Fashion District of L.A. and paying $100 for a Nutraloaf treatment designed to help you lose weight and feel better.
Say, now there’s a small-business idea for the enterprising small businessman!
