REFUND, PLEASE
After a summer of bad films like The Lake House, it's time we remind Hollywood our money is as good as theirs
BY LAUREN ALLEN

Instead of just telling you about a movie this month, I want to share a valuable lesson I recently learned. I'm sure a lot of you have noticed that this has been a particularly bad summer for movies. Actually, the whole year has pretty much been a let down so far. At my local AMC theater, I learned that they're bringing back movies like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Because of Winn-Dixie just so they'll have enough movies to fill up all of the screens. 

I talked my mom into heading to the theater with me on a recent Sunday and after a painful elimination process, we finally decided on seeing The Lake House, a movie based on a Korean film entitled Il Mare. The story revolves around a loner doctor, Sandra Bullock, a boring architect, Keanu Reeves, and a house made of glass that sits upon stilts on a lake somewhere around Chicago. 

Before moving out of the house on the lake, Bullock's character leaves a note for the new owner in the mailbox. The new tenant, Reeves' character, reads the note and decides to respond. 

I want to stop here for a minute and warn you that the only way that anyone could possibly enjoy this movie is if they're willing to throw all sense of logic, reality and common knowledge out the window. Even then, the picture still pretty much stinks.

So the first ridiculous episode that you'll notice is that in responding to the former resident, Reeves takes his note and just leaves it in his mailbox, which apparently the U.S. Postal Service refuses to serve. Bullock from time to time decides to head back to the lake, stop by the old house and break into her old mailbox where she finds the letters left for her. This is how these two communicate with each other throughout the film. 

After numerous letters back and forth, our leading man and lady discover that they're living in some sort of time warp, because she is currently in the year 2006 and he is dragging up the rear still hanging out in 2004. At this point, I leaned over to my mother and whispered, "This movie sucks," to which she replied, "No kidding. I can leave whenever you're ready." At that point, we made a quick exit out of the practically empty room.

On our way out the door I decided to make a little stop to the guest relations counter. I told the guest service employee how disappointed I was in the film and that I would really appreciate a refund on our ticket. She asked how long we had been inside the theater and I told her about 45 minutes. She then explained that because it was over 30 minutes, she couldn't refund my money but would be happy to give me passes to come back and see something else. I gladly accepted and we were on our way.

After making a few calls and sending a few e-mails, I've found that this is pretty much the standard policy for all theaters around town. Most theaters base what sort of refund they're willing to give on the amount of time you've spent in the theater. A supervisor at the Regal Entertainment Group headquarters in Knoxville, Tenn., explained to me that their policy is that they will refund passes to anyone who watches 30 minutes or less of the movie. After that, it is up to the manager's discretion, but he added that they highly recommend still giving the passes even after the 30-minute time limit. So, just because you've sat there for more than 30 minutes, don't think you still can't ask for some sort of refund.

Bottom line is, don't let Hollywood get away with continuing to make money off of the crap they've been trying to feed us. I don't mind paying money to be entertained and no one loves a good movie more than me. But our money is just as valuable to us as theirs is to them - and it's time we start reminding them of this fact. LW